BAH! "Marriage equals death" is what I've decided. I think the whole idea of "soul mate" is kind of lame too. I think you should go for the person who bothers you the least and try to stick it out. I think monogamy is next on my western culture hit-list.
I went to a wedding last week and it was really nice and everyone was so friendly but it was still weird. The groom's parents were divorced and the mom had died and the father remarried and had another son and the new wife and other son were at the wedding and I think that would just be awkward. Anyway, when they were giving speeches, someone was talking about the groom's mom and the ex-husband started crying. And I was just wondering which one of those women is his soul mate?
He was married to the first woman for four years (or so) and the second woman for almost twenty-five. I don't know, it just seems odd.
I'm still pretty bitter about Jon so it's probably just that.
I feel like such a dummy, but I'm going to get a 4.0 this term for all my classes. Which will be awesome and really bring my GPA back up. Everything's going fine, Jon's a little stressed and of course it stresses me out too, so that's kind of stressful, but other than that, we're doing fine. Sixteen months, whoo! I say sixteen months instead of a year and four months because I think it sounds shorter and less intimidating. But we're doing good and have decided that for Valentine's day, we're getting a heart shaped pizza from Papa Murphy's and rent a sappy movie or shoot 'em up, or something equally violent. And then the day afterwards, we're going to go to Thai Pepper. We can't go on Valentine's day because he has theater.
So we're fine, but work SUCKS! My boss got this new assistant who is so useless all the CA's are ready to revolt and it seems like my boss has no idea, either way it's very annoying. She's been here since October and still is completely useless. She's supposed to be in charge of the linen crew but hasn't gotten van certified, she hasn't made a schedule for them, so I did and she took credit for it, she talks down to people and doesn't listen to anything a student says because we're "lower" than she is.
Example: I had told her that we could get someone from our physical plant to bring up blankets and all that jazz up from the physical plant, so we didn't have to drive down (by "we" I mean "we") and she said she'd call him and arrange it, never did. My boss tells her that she can do that and she says, "Really? I didn't know I could do that." I told her to do that for a week. Another one, linen crew was supposed to come in on Sunday, it snowed like a foot in Ashland, so no one showed up.
So the next open day, Tuesday. She calls me at my room (even though I've asked for her to call my cell, that's another thing) and asks why nothing got done on Sunday, I told her it was because it snowed. She asked how many people showed up, I said three, she asked me what we got done, I told her I wasn't there, she asked who would know? I told her Amit, she said something snide to the effect of why i wasn't there and I told her it was snowing. She then said that she needed to find someone to drive the linen van (in the snow) to the physical plant (down a windy hill) and was implying that I go do it because I'm van certified. I told her I didn't think the van (because it turns like a boat) and she said in the snidest tone she can muster, "Well I got down here just fine." At this point I should've made a comment about her weight but thought better of it and told her it was her crew and she should find somebody to do it.
I've told her a few times that I am not going to drive when there's snow on the ground. And she's managed to try to make me feel like crap about it every time I see her. She is so annoying! She made my boss get rid of her snowglobes that the CA's give her for any holiday we can think of. My boss' assistant said it was because it cluttered the office even though her desk is covered with papers and so messy! She also wants a bigger desk, even though her desk is the same size as my boss'. Jon said if she lost about a hundred pounds the desk would look bigger by comparison. I suggested that she just take the computer tower off her desk to free up more space. She said that her legs wouldn't fit underneath the desk then. I plead the fifth.
Anyway, the CA's are pissed, I'm upset and my boss is just letting all this slide. It's very frustrating. And because she hasn't oganized the linen crew, all the CA's have to come in on Thursday night and make beds. I think my boss just should have let me be the Senior CA and Linen Crew Manager because everything was fine when it was like that. Oh well.
The only thing I like about Christmas is the lights. The food isn't that great, you have to spend atleast three days with your family and I don't like getting presents, it makes me feel really awkward. My parents and I are kind of having a falling out. It's been going on since about mid-August of last summer, and hasn't gotten any better. It seems like every little think turns into this huge argument between me and my step mom and it doesn't really seem worth it to ask their advice on anything because I know they'll say no automatically. Like the car, or travelling abroad, or if I would've asked them if I could get a cell phone.
Given, they don't pay for anything and wouldn't pay for any of that stuff. I pay for all my stuff and take care of everything. So, my step mom left a voicemail on my phone that there was a letter from DMV, saying that I hadn't turned in my accident report form. So I thought that it was talking about the accident I got in with the semi-truck in the car that I didn't tell them I bought. That was awesome. But they thought it was the accident with the log truck earlier in the summer (I've gotten in three accidents this year). So I'm totally off the hook on that one!
It bothers me that I have to keep this much stuff from my parents. They'll freak out at me and it's totally not even worth the trouble. When I got in the car accident, the first person I called was my boss. Who is so awesome and is this big matronly figure in the office and is always really good about everything. She yells at us when she needs to, but always knows the right time to do it. So I called her and left a message and then I called Jon a little while later because I didn't want to wake him up.
I love Jon, but sometimes he just bugs me so bad. One of the things I realized I couldn't stand (not just about him, but about everyone) is when somebody takes my job. Like if I'm filing, I want to file and I want to do my job. So Jon came into work to say hi to me and started filing for me (he was trying to work so I wouldn't have to, trying to be nice) and I kicked him out. Because I'm that nuerotic. Poor Jon. So, one more thing I learned about myself today. Oh! And I like Rocky Horror Picture Show, doesn't have to be in a group, I like watching it just because. So there.
And Jon is still encouraging me! Yarghh! I'm totally going to fail chemistry. Not even close, I'm going to fail and it started out as me just not getting it and turned into me being apathetic. I don't want to do anything science related anymore because I just want to do reading and writing and do English related things. I keep on bringing it up and he says that thing from "Meet the Robinsons" (great movie) "From failing you learn, success: not so much." He thinks he's helping, and he is, he rocks. I would be crying into my over-highlighted textbook if it wasn't for him.
I think Steve is going to come down to Ashland for a few days while he's on his leave. It seems kind of weird to have hime spend a tenth of his leave in Ashland so far away from his home. It's kind of weird how we kept on talking. Oh well, I guess it's okay. Jon seems okay with it, which is all that really matters. I guess I didn't feel weird when Ruth (one of his friends back home) slept in his room when she was in town with a singing troop (for that Dulcet concert or something.) Never even crossed my mind, so I'm sure this'll be fine.
I will admit, that there is this one girl, who would never try anything (hopefully because she knows better) but I always get a little jealous when she sits next to Jon, which is not my style. Jon thinks it's cute though, jerk.
My friend with the whole virginity "problem" is really going to go through with it. My other two friends have power issues related to their relationships and the last one wishes they had problems, or just a relationship, not sure. It's weird how all my friends have these really different takes on how relationships should be. Like one of them think it's weird that I have a plan in case Jon and I break up, I think it's forward thinking. Luck favors the prepared. But two of them think that the guy should focus on them and cater to everything they'll ever need, basically, he should take care of her. When I ask why, they say, "because that's what guys are supposed to do."
I think Jon tried to do that for about the first three months, but that whole thing creeps me out. One of my friends think that it has to do with power, she wants him to know who does what in the relationship. That seems kind of off to me. He needs to know who's in charge. And she has so many beaus, but she can never seem to tie one down, or she doesn't want to. She'll be in love with three people at a time and thinks that she's just the cat meows and all that jazz. I worry about her the most.
I'm going to try to encourage my friend not to go through with it. I might be sentimental about the whole thing, but I feel that she needs to "give it" to someone she cares about, and who cares about her instead of "losing it" to someone. And if they end up staying together . . . why would she even want to be with someone who prowells personal ads looking for virgins or some other person to take advantage of. The more I think about it the madder I get at this random guy that I haven't met yet, and probably shouldn't. Great, now I'm upset. Atleast it took my mind off of me failing tomorrow? No, not really.
It bothers me that I've just accepted that I'm going to do bad. That's the same as giving up, isn't it? It totally is. Gosh I suck sometimes.
I have like two finals left. Not "like" two finals left, but two finals left. And I have just discovered the most distracting amazing thing! Craigslist! I know I'm a dork and everyone already knows about it, but my friend put up a personal ad on there (don't get me started) so I went to look for her and oh my gosh!
How many men can be that discontented with their wives? Like every fourth one was about how he wanted to sneak around against his wife, wanted to have the excitement of "secret correspondence." I wonder what made them like that. It's still a little bizarre I think.
I was the one that suggested to my friend that she should put something online. She was bitching about still being a virgin and how she just wanted to get it over with, and I was joking. But she put it up there and apparently got a lot of replys. She thinks she's actually going to go through with it. I find soemthing creepy about that.
It just seems like she should wait till she finds someone she loves, not just "give it up." But I guess it doesn't really matter. The importance of virginity is probably all made up anyway and good for her for exploring her sexaul identity? The whole subject makes me feel a little awkward so I'm just going to shut the hell up.
I have a final tomorrow and I am going to go to bed. I was just very impressed with my little discovery.
I'm almost done! We have nine days till the end of Fall term and then I have eight more terms of school and I am done!! Oh my gosh! Eight terms sounds better than three years, I figure. I went to go see directing projects today, they were weird. Kinda random. Oh well, I'm an English major, so, yea.
I don't want to do homework, so after this I'm going to go on facebook. Stephen is coming back on the first of December, that'll be awkward. I only have to go home for a few days, so I might only have to spend a few days with him. He knows I have Jon, so it'll be great. Right? Yea, it'll be great.
And I'm not doing it! Yay! I think I might do it tonight, it will be really shotty work, but I'll get a grade. I didn't go to the last lab, really stupid of me. This whole term was kind of stupid, and that's what I say about every term. I'm so not into school right now and I know I'm going to come out of it with like a B- GPA, and my parents are going to shit a kitten and . . . screw them, I'm really not in the mood for them. I just put stuff off, like I'm doing now, and always find something better to do. Maybe not better (for example, this) I just find other things.
I thought it was my major, maybe I'm not into my major. I came in as a nursing major on the suggestions of Marcia, the work was needed and it seemed okay, it makes good money, so why the hell not. That became a reoccuring thought for my time as a science major. Then to biochemistry, then to chemistry, then to biology and pre-med. I did well in science, I just couldn't imagine doing it all the time. So that's why . . . I am now an English major. Reading and writing, I can do that. I just feel like it's such a cop-out, like I couldn't cut it in science so I moved to a subject with no wrong answers. That's so lame. Atleast it's not communications. And by the way, if anyone feels like correcting my grammar because I'm an english major, I'll be very annoyed but won't say anything about it.
Hopefully I'll take to this subject better than science. I haven't told my parents yet. Jon's already started making fun of me for it. It's all in good fun. The fun I get out of his expense for beng a Theater major, oh. He knows I'm joking though. I know I'm going to be an English major so I don't want to do anything science or math related ever again. Oh, and I changed my major two weeks after I got accepted into the biology department. Maybe I'm afraid of commitment (that's supposed to be a joke.)
Speaking of commitiments, Jon's at theater. I think he's ASMing (?) a show next term so I'll have plenty of time to do all my stuff, I guess. I'm always surprised that he hasn't gotten tired of me yet. I'm always so stressed and in a funk and busy, I would've given up on me awhile ago. I like him. Marcia doesn't. She doesn't get the whole quiet thing, I think it throws her off or something. She thinks we should break up and I'm always really bothered by how she thinks that that's okay to say to me. I'm glad, because I don't really see straight when it comes to those kind of things, but she gets really irrational about those kinds of things and just emphasizes ALL of my little insecurities and puts me in a funk for days and poor Jon has to deal with me.
The whole time I was home was how I was ruining my life and how much I had to give up to be with Jon and how I just wanted a boyfriend and am in love with love and I should move on and test out other guys and see what I want. I was home for three days. I didn't know I could do that much wrong in three days. But I can. Imagine what else I can accomplish! I suck sometimes. And then like an idiot I buy into everything she feeds me, but know she's getting my goat so I just sulk for a couple days. It's amazing that I let someone do this to me over and over again. And that someone can do this to me. I'm always a little impressed in retrospect. Oh well. I think Jon should be back in a little while.
Gosh I'm clingy. I'm heading to Seattle to chaperone a bunch of high schoolers at some band college (Western International Band College for the band geeks) and I'm going to be gone for five days, and I'm worried about how I'm going to do jus by my lonesome. And by "by my lonesome" I mean, without Jon. I know, that's pretty lame, but it'll be weird. It'll be the longest I'll be away in like three months. Summer sucked, but it was long enough that I got over it. And this will b short enough that I'll really notice it and be kind of miserable because of it.
We've been together for about fourteen months (yay) and it's kind of gotten past the "yay you're new stage" and my crush just wore off for him, so that's kind of nice, and I still like him. That's so nice!! But it just seems like it's getting serious and I'm a little freaked out by that. And I'm kind of regretting not dating other guys before Jon.
I just got really lucky is what happened. First week of my first year in college and I get Jon. That's really lucky. But at the same time, I wish I would;ve dated a few jerks before I found Jon just so I would've done the whole "wow" thing. Not that I didn't, but still.
I'm being ridiculously lame and I would never want to date anyone other that him and I should be happy with what I have, because I am. And I kinda suck.
But in better news, I have found someone who I really really don't care for. She's going to Seattle with me and I don't know what it is about her but she just sends me over the edge. She has a really mean sarcastic attitude. We were with mutual friends and she mentioned another one of her mutual friends and said that her and her boyfriend (and that's a messed up story) call our mutual friend "Man Face." This wouldn't be so bad but our friend is a girl. I promptly told her to shut the hell up and she replied that it was okay because she was friends with her and I told her that I was to, so she needs to shut the hell up.
Which seems more than fair to me! Anyway, I have to spend the next five days with her, not directly with her, but enough time that I will feel uncomforatable. But! Jon came up with a plan! Next time she says something obnoxious (which shouldn't take long) I ask to talk to her outside where I promptly punch her in the face and direct her to not be a bitch. Then when we walk back in the room, she'll probably be holding her face and people will ask what happened, she will answer that she had fallen and then I will tell her not to be so God damn clumsy. Thereby asserting my dominance over the situation.
See, I'm never like this. I'd laugh if Jon suggested it, sometimes more of a courtesy, not really, Jon's pretty funny, and kinda cute . . . anyway, where was I . . . oh yea. I would laugh and blow it off, but it's actually become like an actual possibility if she crosses that line that's hidden somewhere. I think if she says something about Mayra, I might do it. I'm about a foot taller than her, so it wouldn't be that bad. . .
I can totally feel this way, she was a punk all summer and was a total punk for the fall and totally tried to backstab me out of $150, which I could care less about, I don't really care about money. My theory is I'll get some more later. But the thing that bothered me was that she used one of our, again, mutual friends who can't say no to anyone to do it. I hate being this upset at anyone, it makes me feel really lame. Oh well. Five days in Seattle!
Yea, you heard me. I've been doing homework since seven (it's eight thirty now) and the only thing I've managed to get done is check my email and ended up . . . actually, I think this is going to be one of those things that I don't tell anybody, but feel good that I'm doing something good. I think everyone should have one of those. This will be mine. I might tell Jon though, you know, just because.
Marcia and I are on better terms and just agreed to fight about this in the Spring. I think it's the wiser choice, there aren't any major holidays in the spring. I think my family secretly resents Easter and as my grandma so eloquently put it, "Well, we don't know if You exist, but just in case, we'll eat some ham." So that'll be a good fight.
Jon doesn't want to get a ride from Marcia to Eugene. She's coming to pick me up and said Jon could tag along. I asked him why, and he said he didn't want to spend three hours in a car with her. Which makes sense, I guess, but he's barely met my parents. And then he said the thing that bothered me: he doesn't need to know my parents that well. And the thing I wanted to say is, "Well you're going to be around for awhile, so it'll just make things easier." but I didn't, because I didn't want to make it seem like I was expecting a long term relationship, even though I am.
So, blah. I'm not sure where Mr. Man is, but he's around somewhere, probably a meeting, he's not picking up his phone, so I couldn't tell him my good deed.
The Australian exchange student came and knocked on my door, looking for some pans he left for a girl on my floor. He knocked like Jon and I just had my see-thorough wife beater (that was soaked from cleaning my fish bowl) and my black balconette bra on. Whoo, I think he was just as awkward as I was. I wonder when Jon gets out of his meeting, I'm bored of not doing homework.
So, I want to buy a car, seems logical enough, being I'm nineteen, soon twenty and looking to reassure my independance. I found the car, got the loan (didn't accept it) and thought I would call my step mom, to hear her opinion, since I wanted to know. AND about two weeks before, we had a converstaion where she said I couldn't have any car and be on their insurance, which seems to me to say that I can get my own car and get my own insurance.
Okay, I call her up and she says she thinks it's a bad idea, fair enough, because I will only use it to goof off and party. I'm not sure whether she's having a flashback, but I don't like parties, their loud, and I'm kind of a homebody. So I say okay, she gives me some lip and then she tells me to call my dad. I call him, leave a message and call her back after class.
Now here's the part where we disagree. She said that if I wanted to buy a car, I'd have to be emancipated first. Not like disowned, but separated financially from the family completely. Does that seem odd? I think it seems a little over done. For me to buy a car, she wants to not be responsible for me at all, even though I'm her daughter. It really hurt my feelings that she would suggest me getting emancipated.
So I called around and tried to get some information on it, the guy's calling me back tomorrow, and I was talking to her tonight and trying to tell her that it hurt me feelings. And she said that she didn't want it to seem like she wanted me to get emancipated from the family just financially. When I told her that I thought she sprung it on me, that I didn't see it coming, she said I should have. Not really sure how, but okay.
Maybe, because they said they weren't going to be claiming me as a dependant next year on their taxes because they don't want to be financially connected to me. Given, I've been in two accidents this year, one my fault, and the other the driver just nailed me, it's been a bad car year. So I said that it probably hurt my feelings because emancipation seems to have a negative connontation and she said that I just better get that connontation out of my head.
I want a car, but not at the expense of my relationship with my parents. But I know if it's not this fight, it's going to be something else. So it's not the fight over the car, but just "The" fight in general. It could be two years down the road and I might want to go to Grad school instead of med school. Or I might want to get a dog or transfer schools or move to Boston. If it wasn't going to be this fight, it would be something else.
Plus, this car is such a great deal. It's $1500 and I know the guy and he's a good guy and just wants to get rid of this car so he can get another one. He's listing it for $2200 but dropping it to $1500 for me 'cause he knows me. And I don't want to miss this great deal.
My step mom always makes me feel like such an idiot whenever I feel bad about something she says and says I'm being dramatic. I asked my friends about it and they said it would hurt their feelings too. I'm already paying for my school and everything else, so it's like I'm already independant. It just hurt my feelings and now I feel stupid for it hurting my feelings even though it still does.